Nothing Left...

Well, this is going to be a different post than normal. I am actually going to steal Ashley's post. This is the exact post Ashley Ludewig posted tonight, and it really made a lot of sense to me. I hope it makes as much sense to you as it does to me.

Why is it such a preposterous idea that two people should meet eachother and be able to have an uncomplicated, happy, functional and uneventful relationship?  It seems so rare that two can get together at just the right time anymore, whether it's because one is currently attatched, too recently un-attatched, moving away, or unintersted all together.  It drives me mad. Additionally, why are teenagers built with this idea that the person they choose to be in a relationship with now is the most important decision they will ever have to make.  Honestly, why can I not be frivolous and just go with the flow?  I feel the need to decipher the pros, cons, possibility of longevity, how my friends will feel, what my family will think, and what effect it could have on the rest of my life--versus doing what my heart says and doing what feels good and right.  I say a person should never be given more than one relationship option at a time.  Save us all the trouble of having to choose between two. You know, a funny thing about our group is how gossipy we are.  None of us can deny it, either.  I think we feed off of it to tell you the truth.  We all suck the juicy information from eachother and then move on to the next social gathering or call someone else and share what we've uncovered.  Like a swarm of bees pollenating a group of flowers.  It's amazing.  I don't really mind, though, I think we somehow get some satisfaction out of knowing what we think no one else does. The reason I bring this up is because I've been recieving a lot of the "pollen" lately and some of it is... well... upsetting.  I know that logic says, "Well, it is gossip, so odds are it isn't true."  However, I have witnessed it firsthand so there is no doubt.  The most truthful reasons for this particular news to be hurtful, or the news itself, cannot be posted here because, well... frankly, it involves a reader and I'm not going to broadcast it to everyone.  (You'll all have to wait until it trickles down the grapevine.)  It's hard to explain because it involves a very precious piece of myself that has been essentially played down and belittled.  Whether or not it has been done knowingly I will not know because I'm not sure I'll ever get to the point where I can openly confront this person.    Before I dwell on this subject anymore I will move on. In eleven days it is "Rough Rider Charge" day.  On that day the RHS class of 2005 will get our schedules for our senior year, buy our final parking tags, take our last yearbook picture, and all of this in probably half an hour less.  Such a momentous occasion crammed into half an hour.  To me, this event signifies the beginning of the end.  Or the beginning of the beginning if you like.   Ten months from now we'll be watching eachother march up an aisle in the arena, grabbing a piece paper, shaking some hands, and moving on to the next phase of our lives.  "Ashley Marie Ludewig..."  A lot can happen in 10 months.  Surely, some of us will start relationships, end relationships, be relationship-less, and be in relationship-overdrive.  "Katie Rose Fritz..."  One of us will probably lose a loved one.  "Melissa Marie Huntsinger..."  (Odds are it's me because all four of my grandparents are pretty ill.)  Who among us will be going to the college of their dreams? "Geoffrey ------ Nixon..."  Which of us is going to be famous? "Sean ----- McCain..."  I know one of us will be. "Jacob ------ Grauf..."  Thinking about all the amazing, heartbreaking, memory-making things that are about to happen excites and scares me.  The future is knocking on our door.  Who has the courage to open it? Sorry I don't know any of you boys' middle names. I think I'm going to make the conscious choice to change something about my life.  I think I'm going to be more open about how I feel about people.  It's going to take work, it'd probably be graduation day before I'd tell someone I love them. (Speaking hypothetically of course.)  If I were to die randomly one day, I want to have no regrets.  It's better to regret something you did than to regret  something you never had the courage to do.  I think I'm going to go on a crusade to tell each and every person what they mean to me.  Don't worry if I don't get to you soon.  That probably means you're just harder to say.  That or I don't see you often enough.I want to keep going but I think I'll stop because I think this post is getting a little to long.  I love you all.  For once I think I really truly mean that.